Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
