i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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