Just cropdusted the office
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
