ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
