I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
