Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
