the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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