i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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