If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
