she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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