It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i drank out of a bidet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
