think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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