Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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