Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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