you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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