I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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