you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
