my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize