I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
