My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
nutella sex= disaster
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
