I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
