If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
