yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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