Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
