I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
