This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
