Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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