I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
