When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
