OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
