I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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