all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
