Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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