Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
