I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it glows. i had to have it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
