He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
