I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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