Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
