At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
