we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
