My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
