i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
