You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize