Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
