Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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