i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
