Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
