Who wears a wallet chain?!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize