It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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