you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
