weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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