There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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