I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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