i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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