Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
