shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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