I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
