I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize