I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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