We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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