At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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