Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this will be a night to untag.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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