I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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