Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
