I smell stomach acid.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
