I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
