I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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