Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
