Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize