how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
